Breaking Barriers

Life has been crazy lately. The weird part is that I haven't been trying to contribute to it. Most people who are vexed in situations walk in to them knowing that it will probably happen. they are bored and want a little entertainment. I don't like situational entertainment, as funny as it can be. I don't feel strongly about anything this semester. Except for my grades of course. I don't have much time to spare. Most the guys that like me are either assholes or annoying. I can't think of even one person I'd even want to go to formal with. If I even go to formal, I don't even feel like dishing out for a cool dress. I started off with the idea of getting a black Betsey Johnson party dress and had a list of people I'd consider going with. None of it seems appealing or important anymore. I'm more of a realist now, than an optimist. Listening to Elliott Smith doesn't make it much better either. Perception isn't reality. Reality is reality. Perception is blinding. Believing the false. I'm not a shiny robot that vomits sunshine anymore. I'm human. My friend heard me cry at 10 a.m. this morning. It was the first time and I never cry. She realized that I do have a heart. I don't want one. It's a weakness and I see it as a flaw. I don't want to be able to express emotion. I want to be like the Greek statues. They look calm and in control. While I'm feeling like the Hellenistic period inside. I also hate that I care so much about what everyone thinks. It's important for me to be perfect. That's stupid. There's no such thing. I have no logic. How's that.